Sweet Moment Turns Sour

Yesterday I got a call from Ashlin while I was at work she asked, ""Mom can you tell me about autism? There is a little boy in my class with autism and I need to know more where I can be able to be a good friend." My little mommy heart leapt with pride. I spent five years working with children with autism in San Diego and I have told her stories about the children I worked with. She remembered this and wanted me to tell her all about it. We talked later on that evening. I let her call one of my friends that currently works with children with autism and is a brilliant behavior analyst. Ashlin took this very serious. She took notes and asked very grown up questions. I was impressed and amazed by her sweet example. Honestly if my university students followed in her footsteps there would be quite a bit more A's. She was very sincere and really wanted to make sure she was a good friend.




Today, she got home from school crushed. She said she had a bad day. After a bit of prying she told me that her classmates were saying this student with autism had a disease and she asked them to stop. But the teacher thought she was saying this. The teacher reprimanded the whole class and specifically looked at her and commented none of them were autism experts. Sigh......
I called the teacher and told her I was very concerned that Ashlin came home very upset and I wanted to know what happened where I could follow up with Ashlin (we do want to support the teacher). She told me the parent and a school psychologist had spoke with the class yesterday. Today members of Ashlin's class was telling other second graders that the child had a disease and they were running away from him. I told her that Ashlin really took it to heart and felt like she was targeting her. The teacher reported that she could tell by the look on her face that she was upset and felt guilty. I ended the conversation at this point. I did not want to say anything I might regret later.
I spoke to Ashlin again this evening I asked her what happened and she related her version. I asked multiple times if she said Gavin had a disease and said no. I stressed I would not be mad at her. She reported that she was the one that got a the duty teacher to assist. I asked her if I could verify this with the duty teacher. She said yes I could. I know my child is not perfect but I don't see any signs that she is lying to me. Nevertheless, I feel like even if she said the child had a disease it was obvious the intent was not mean and the teacher's response was not the best approach with my child.
My other concern is if they are going to talk about a topic like this I think they should send a note home to the parents and let them know and how we can best give our support. I wish more than words can say that I would have mentioned for her not share with others that this student had autism (shouldn't this have been covered in their meeting?).
My heart broke for her because I honestly think she was trying her best to do what is right....but was punished for it. Sigh...maybe it's my mother's heart talking. Here is a question how do we be an advocate for our child without coming across as a "Witch"? I am struggling with this!
Our life truly feels like a soap opera since August. It feels like as soon as we get one thing under control something else comes up. I don't feel like I am seek out drama but it sure seems to be following me. I sure hope we can get a little rest soon or I quickly learn what I need from these experiences because somedays I am running on empty.
I so want to end on a positive note. I am so thankful for my beautiful family. They bring endless moments of joy & happiness to my life. Despite the fatigue they are worth all of the battles fought!

In case anyone wonders what Shawn does....

Taken from his blog for his lab.
The Blu-ray player I “almost” owned…

On Saturday my family and I participated in a charity walk-a-thon in our town. This was the first of many scheduled events for our weekend and so we were forced to run before the prize drawing. This seemed like a wise decision as the odds of being in trouble with my wife if we arrived late for the kid’s soccer games were, in my estimation, much greater than for winning one of the major prizes. My calculations were wrong. Not 30 minutes after leaving a friend texted to tell us that had we been in attendance, we would now be the proud owners of a Vizio Blu-Ray player.

Now here is the interesting part: both my wife and I immediately started to feel as if we had lost something. For me (I cannot speak for her feelings), this was not the, “shoot I lost the grocery list” feeling, but more like a “that was my favorite ______________ ever” kind of feeling. It was as if that one moment in which I pictured myself inserting the Transformers 3 disc into this player was enough to enter this player into my personal inventory.

But it was never, actually, mine. I never touched it and I never saw it. Nevertheless, my brain immediately adjusted to the idea that it was indeed mine. And the emotional reaction I felt was similar to how I felt when I discovered that the new “friend” that had stopped by to play with my G. I. Joe collection had walked off with Storm Shadow (just to be clear, this happened when I was a lot younger). The decision to give the Blu-Ray player to someone still at the event was interpreted not as good policy, but as a theft of my property.

Fortunately, research indicates that I am not alone in my irrationality. Research on theendowment effect demonstrates that the value of an item increases once it is viewed as part of our personal inventory. To be honest, the value of the Vizio player, before hearing that I had almost won it, was $0. Nothing against Vizio, but I own two televisions and two Blu-Ray players already. Both of my players are fine systems and I see no need to spend money on a new model. But what if I could have one for free? The added value of a “free” Blu-ray player was much greater than $0. Without having to subtract the cost of the player from the perceived value of the player made it a positive, and thus desirable, gain.

So if I did not value the player and had no real use for it, why did I have such a strong reaction to its loss? Because the “bonus” value of having an extra blu-ray player was offset by the loss I felt at having it taken away from me. This reaction is well described by Kahneman & Tversky’s Prospect Theory that argues losses weigh heavier than gains. My happiness evaluator started out not valuing another Blu-ray player, added the value of the potential prize, and then had to subtract the value of having the prize taken from me. Because the loss associated with the player was greater than the perceived gain my happiness evaluator ended up in the negative. The result? I spent the next hour mourning the loss of the Blu-Ray player that was “almost” mine!

Jaxon lost a tooth!

Jaxon lost his first tooth on September 06, 2011

My baby is growing up so fast! ;(

A day in Memphis

We enjoyed a great day at the temple. We had a surprise visit from Matt Hillier and a visit from Elder Lisch which made the day even better.

Soccer

Our life is a whirl wind of activities. There is never a dull moment, but at least we stay out of trouble!
Monday: Dance
Tuesday: Swim
Wednesday: Piano & Soccer
Thursday: Swim
Friday: We catch our Breath
Saturday: Soccer Games
The trio are loving all of their activities. They are learning valuable skills and getting good physical activity for their little bodies. The boys are especially loving soccer. Although, Jeron is so laid back we are going to have to make sure he remembers that he is suppose to run with the ball. ;)

Soccer

Our life is a whirl wind of activities. There is never a dull moment, but at least we stay out of trouble!
Monday: Dance
Tuesday: Swim
Wednesday: Piano & Soccer
Thursday: Swim
Friday: We catch our Breath
Saturday: Soccer Games
The trio are loving all of their activities. They are learning valuable skills and getting good physical activity for their little bodies. The boys are especially loving soccer. Although, Jeron is so laid back we are going to have to make sure he remembers that he is suppose to run with the ball. ;)